I don't love him! My diary is the one who loves him!
by Sabilandako
Summary: Alfred Jones bought a diary… And it was not because he saw Arthur writing on one too! He definitely just bought it to rant about his life… and it was SO not because he could rant about Arthur! You're wrong! But really, it's the diary's fault that the pages were slowly being filled with Arthur's name...Because there's no way Alfred would write about Arthur like that... right...?
1. Chapter 1

Alfred Jones bought a diary… And it was not because he saw Arthur writing one too! He definitely just bought it to rant about his life… and it was SO not because he could rant about Arthur! You're wrong! But really, it's not the diary's fault that the pages were slowly being filled with Arthur's name...Because there's no way Alfred would write about Arthur like that... right...?

* * *

**Edit: **word**- Strikethroughed**

**Dear diary,**

Ew. That sounded girly and unheroic.

**Hey diary,**

Ugggh... Why can't I write normal greetings?

**Diary dude,**

Okay, you know what, I don't care what you're called. Fuck you, diary. :/

Oh... That was unheroic of me. Well, you're just a diary, so yeah. I'm still the hero though! »:DD

Allow me to introduce myself properly. (And Mattie says I'm rude concerning about being introduced to other people. Hey, it's in my blood to be excited about meeting other people! It's not my fault they are spooked that I hug them... And it's not like I can hug you, right? Oh wait, I can! And I'm totally hugging you right now!) I'm Alfred F. Jones, normally known as the 'Hero'! Because really, I save people from their problems! :DDD

Welp, anyways, I'm a sophomore at this awesome academy! And when I say awesome, I meant heroically awesome! Well, that school just houses students from different parts of the world! I'm from the ever freedom-loving and awesome, and BAMF, and cool THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! \(•u•)/

And yeah, my twin is also studying there, and he's from Canada. He is Matthew Williams. And sometimes, he gets this super power that he becomes invisible! :DD but yeah, he's also kinda shy, but shit, he almost killed me and a particular Bad Touch Trio once with his hockey stick... (*shivers*)

And yeah, where was I?

Ah.

I have tons of friends too! And I'm enumerating them since I am not feeling lazy today! And that is almost once in a blue moon...

There's a Japanese (and he's a very cool dude!) with the name of Kiku Honda. And I swear, he's a very fucking awesome buddy! And look, I put the 'fucking' first before the 'awesome'... Because, if I put the 'awesome' first, then the statement would totally change it's meaning... (Awkward...) BUT Yeah, he's my savior when it comes to anime and video games. I mean, he's all quiet and understanding but he is very reliable to be with! He's awesome! :bd

There's a French with the name of Francis Bonnefoy. But seriously, he gets over-affectionate sometimes it becomes downright creepy. There's also a Spaniard named Antonio. And his name is so long and I'm too lazy to write it. But whatever, this guy is so cheerful! XDD He's always smiling and shits like that, so he's pretty cool too. And then, there's a self-proclaimed Prussian with the name of Gilbert Beilschmidt. And yeah, he's German and he's always saying 'Awesome'. I mean, it's like it is the only thing that comes out of his mouth. Imagine this, he would come up to you and he would say "Awesome awesome. Awesome? Awesome awesome awesome!" And shizz like that XDD. But he's an albino, and he's really awesome. But I'm still the hero!

Together, the three of them forms the Bad Touch Trio.

Sooo, there are also two Italians (they're twins, which is cool! They're like Mario and Luigi! But don't tell them that. I might get killed... XDD). Their names are Feliciano and Lovino Vargas. Hahaha would you believe it, they're twins and yet they are polar opposites? XD But hey, Mattie and I are twins too, and we're different than each other! :DD

Ah, there's also a German (a strict one at that too) with the name of Ludwig Beilschmidt. Hahaha man, this guy is nuts. He's all strict but then he would get blushy when he's with Feli! Hahaha that never fails to amuse me XD And if you, my dear diary, still haven't noticed, Ludwig is the younger brother of Gil. Hahaha you see, their also opposites!

Then, there's also a Chinese (and I owe him crap of ton of money...) named Yao Wang. And sometimes, it becomes Wang Yao... I don't even know why... But shit, I swear when I get richer I will treat him to Mickey d's and I'll never pay him with the money I owe. XD

And yeah, there's a Russian (*shivers*) But I'm wondering, why is he even on my list? Pfffft. Him, my friend? Ha! More like rival. And he's creepy :/ I don't know, but we are always at odds... And shit, have you heard his laugh? Gaaaaah, I swear, I AM NOT AFRAID OF HIM! You hear me? I'm the hero and I never get scared even though he's really creepy and he always holds that weird pipe and oh no he might kill me next and oh my go-

I AM NOT SCARED! And yeah, I just need to pee that's why my handwriting became shaky...

But moving on, I have many more friends. I am popular, you know? That's because I'm heroically great! »XD

Oh... There's also another friend of mine. And he's from the UK, particularly England. Actually, he's another rival-ish friend-ish of mine.

Arthur Kirkland. You know him?

...

Well of course you don't! You're just a freaking diary! I just bought you so there's no way you know him! »:O

And wow, do I have anger issues? Meh. No of course. Because villains have them, and I do not have them 'cause I'm the hero.

Speaking of which, I'm sure Arthur got anger issues. And he's the villain.

You ask why?

Well, he's the reason I bought you! I mean, he's always writing in these kind of notebooks almost all time of the day (except when he's doing student council work, and except when he's talking to his imaginary friends). And yeah, it's not like I bought you just because I always gaze at Arthur that I subconsciously know he writes in one of these. Pssssh. I do not stare at him more than I should that I can't even focus on the teacher because Arthur is worth staring at!

...

Did I just write that...?

Shit...

You bitch! What's your problem?! You suddenly brought that grumpy Brit into the conversation! Look, I even managed not to describe him and yet you made me write that I totally stare at him like I have a crush on him because he's hot and gorgeous?!

Okay fuck, diary! I do not think he's hot and and **drop dead** gorgeous!

Let me clear things!

He's not worth staring at because he's creepy! He got problems and I don't know, he's creepy and very grumpy! »:O IN SHORT, HE IS A CREEPY AND GRUMPY OLD MAN.

Grumpy grumpy grumpy grumpy creepy creepy creepy old man old man grumpy creepy creepy cute cree-

Fuck...

And shit, you brought him into conversation again... You know, I might think you have a crush on Arthur...

Tsk. But yeah. The real reason I bought you, which is totally not because of that Brit, was so that I can rant about my life.

And not to rant about Arthur...

AND GAAAAAAHHHH! You really do love Arthur, huh?! Why must you always put that name here?! For all I know, you're mind-controlling me into writing that cursed name!

Okay calm down Alfred...

As I was saying, I bought this so that I can recount my **daily heroic personal experiences.**

Hey, that's what diaries are for, right?

And of course you can't answer. You're just a freaking notebook! :/

Yeah...

You know, I started writing this at nine o' clock in the morning... And then I'm sure I got distracted more than once because I always see the color Green... And then two caterpillars...

So, it's like one in the afternoo-

AND OH GOSH!

Okay shit, I need to go now. I have only realized I have a study session with Arthur! :O

...And it's not a date!

You're assuming things, dairy! That's unheroic! »:((

It's a study session! And I should go now because he might blow his top off if I'm late again... Hahahah although I would like to see him fume and be angry at me. Hahaha have you seen his face when he's angry? He's totally red in the face. XDDD

**And it's kinda cute...**

Okay, you know what, fuck you diary! He's not cute! NEVER!

Actually, I hate you now. You made me late for our session... Maybe I won't write on you anymore because you pick on me! And it would be your fault if i fail at English class again because Arthur won't teach me now! Tch...

Well, I will still try to meet up. It's not like I am excited to see him...

And shit, I HATE YOU! »:OOOO

Okay, hell, I'll fucking go now, you satanic diary!

...

And it's still not a date!

-_The hero,_

_Alfred F. Jones_

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**Haha what have I just written? Omg, I don't even know... But meh... Hahaha okay. And at least Im alive!**

**So, this story is just a past-time for me to escape from writer's block... And yeah, don't worry, I'll update my other stories... I swear...**

**And this is a multi-chap story, if you didn't know, and this is like a diary... A diary with no date written. Haha that's heroic! And I noticed that I made Alfred sprout 'Hero' all the time... Maybe I should change that later on? And he's super OOC here, right?**

**But yeah. Actually, feel free to ignore me. I don't even know if I should continue this. Haha sorry :))**

**(* I have just realized that this is the first romance I have ever written! :OO*)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Haha hello. Just a reminder: Matthew is Alfred's twin brother. Haha sorry for the inconvenience for the first chapter. Sumimasen. (*bows*) Thank you 2 for pointing that out. :D**

**And yeah. Since strikethrough couldn't be seen on this site,**

****word**= strikethroughed.**

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Hey.

...

OMG! Look, I have managed a normal greeting! :DD And I'll never have problems on what should I call you now! Why? That's because I'm the hero! \m/ XDD

Wooooohoooo! So you'd be called 'Hey' now!~

...

So. Where was I?

Ah yes. Hello again, my dear diary! :3 I'm happy today so I'm writing on you! Look, I even managed to forgive you for what you did on my first entry! Hahaha so this becomes my second entry now huh? Well, expect more entries from now on, given that you don't offend me! »:D

Anyways, as I said, I'm happy today. Actually, it started yesterday AFTER my _study session _that was definitely NOT a date with Arthur. And I said AFTER my study session so that means I was happy NOT DURING my meeting with him. You see, I can't even stand Artie's presence...

And don't judge me, dammit! 'Artie' is Arthur's nickname!

Haha, a **cute** nickname for a **cute** guy like him...

...

WTF?!

You managed to anger me again, you satanic diary! How many have I told you that HE'S NOT CUTE?! »:O

HE'S NOT CUTE!

**He's just adorable...**

Tsk.

You're so totally a mood ruiner... »:/

(Does that term even exists?)

ANYWAYS, as I was saying, yesterday was GREAT! And I'll admit that some of the good things that happened were during my session with Arthur. And c'mon, it's not because of him that I'm happy yesterday even though he was so gorgeous while he was teaching me. Pssssh. You're just imagining it. Totally imagined...

Yeah. So, it started while he was talking about complicated words and shit. And I was getting bored and bored and BORED. Well, who wouldn't be when Artie kept on talking like the boring guy he sure is? (**Even though he got an accent that's just so sexy and ho-**)

Oh. Fuck you.

You really like to interrupt me, huh?! Well, guess what, I won't be distracted even though you kept on having a crush on Arthur! »:(

And I hate you.

FUDGE YOU THOUGH!

I'll continue now so don't ever interrupt me, okay?!

...

Good...

So before I died out of boredom, my phone heroically vibrated in my pocket! And when I checked it (secretly, of course), it was a text message from Kiku. And since I'm not feeling lazy today even though I got tons of homework, I'll put what he texted. :D

'_Alfred-san, do you still remember the video game that we checked online? The one you ordered? It was delivered a while ago...'_

And then of course, Arthur noticed that I wasn't paying attention.

Why?

IT WAS BECAUSE I PRACTICALLY SQUEALED (A DEFINITELY MANLY SQUEAL) OUT OF HAPPINESS! XDDD

So, yeah. I was so happy that time I didn't care that he got angry at me for not paying attention and for being noisy.

(And of course, another good thing was that I saw him get red in the face again... **Just how cute was that?!**)

DAMMIT, he's not cute DAMMIT! »:OO

...

Calm down Alfred... Getting angry is not heroic...

Moving on, I heroically apologized even though I really didn't mean it. And he bought my apology. Pfffffft. Arthur's so gullible that he sometimes could become an angel...

An angel that got huge eyebrows! XDDD

But seriously, Artie would make a **cute-** **hot-** angel. Just don't mind his nasty attitude and he's good for the part.

You see, I hate him because of his attitude.

«Cough cough»

As I was saying, the second great thing that happened was when Artie agreed to go with me to Mickey D's! Hahha woooooohhhh! And IT WAS STILL NOT A DATE!

I mean, that guy really is not fond of fast food chains, so it was kinda hard for me to convince him to go with me. And I said 'to go WITH me' not 'to go OUT with me'...

See? There's a huge difference.

It's not like I'll actually ask him for a date! There are tons of girls who just want me to go out with them, so Artie doesn't stand a chance. Pfffft. I would never ever ask him out on a date even though he's more beautiful than those girls...

And wow. Could it be that you're the one wanting to ask Arthur out on a date?! «Le gasp» But think, it's not like he'll date you because you're a diary.

Why?

It's because he's already in a relationship with his tea! XDDD

I mean, he loves tea so much that it's very much as well be the one running down on his bloodstream instead of red blood cells. (And look, I know so MUCH about science and NOT just about Artie's life!~)

Pffft. But really, if Arthur loves his tea so much then why don't he marry it? Hahaha they could get married and then they could go to their honeymoon and make love and-—

Oh heavens, I would never let Arthur marry that satanic and perverted tea!

...

Oh.

And fuck you! I AM NOT JEALOUS AT ALL THAT HE'S ALWAYS TEA THIS AND TEA THERE that he almost forgets about my heroic presence which fucking hurts! »:((

...

And I definitely don't care if he ignores me because I can ignore him too if I want! He's just lucky that I choose to acknowledge his presence even though he ignores me and others in favor of his beloved tea! »:'(((

AND THE HERO ALWAYS BEATS THE VILLAIN WHICH IS THE TEA!

...

Ouch.

You hurt me, diary. :(( And you ruined my heroic mood again...

It would be your fault if I don't continue to narrate the good things that happened to me yesterday. :'((

...

But, since I'm the hero, I'll continue because I can't have you hanging in suspense right? :)

So, the next great thing that happened to me took place after we have eaten at that heroic place. You see, we need to pass by the park so that we could get to the boy's dormitory that's part of the academy. So yeah, while we were walking (and really, if you have seen the night sky, it was full of stars and the moon was so bright and I was mentally 'awwwwwww'ing because it looks romantic... But it was NOT romantic because I refuse to accept it! Anything that got to do with Arthur wouldn't be romantic in another millenium or so! »:DD ) under the starry sky, and while we were just talking pleasantly (and for once, without a fight) about random things, Arthur suddenly confessed that I could be a good company when I'm not being a git...

And you don't know how much I was overjoyed when I heard that! :''DD really, I felt like I was on cloud nine back there and it almost took all of my willpower not to bear hug Arthur! X''DD

...

And I'm not happy because I finally saw that I could have a chance to ask him out on a date! REALLY, I was just happy because I heard that I could be a real hero that makes the people I care about to be comfortable with my presence!

...

And what the hell, I don't care about him dammit! When will you ever learn that, diary?!

But yeah... I think that was all the great things that happened to me yesterday... And it definitely DO NOT revolve around Artie. Nope, not at all! :PP

So... I'm not finished yet! I still didn't get to narrate the great things that happened to me today!

I'm gonna start when we had our breakfast. You see, Mattie agreed to make his heavenly maple-y pancakes! And I swear, I could die because of the god-sent taste of the pancakes! I definitely did hugged Mattie because of that! (And at least he could cook heavenly food unlike a certain creepy Brit I know that could cook weapons of mass destruction... But don't tell him that. He would call me 'git' and 'wanker' non-stop.)

Then, the next great thing that happened was that Kiku stopped by with the new video game that we ordered! And then woooooooh, we played all day! Man, Kiku is such an awesome friend! (And at least even though Kiku acts like an old man sometimes, he is fun to be with! Unlike a certain grumpy Brit I know that always acts like an old man... But hell, have you seen his punk mode?! That was hella **hot and sexy!** outrageous!)

Okay diary, I didn't say 'hot and sexy' you got me?! You're the one who wrote that, not me, okay?!

Tsk.

Yeah. And the things I was talking about a while ago definitely do not lead to Arthur. It's not like all I ever talk about always ends up with his name! You're just imagining it because you like Arthur!

...

Wow. Now that I re-read this entry, one-third out of four is all about Artie...

Are you obsessed with him or something?

I ship diary x Arthur now...

AND I'M NOT JEALOUS DAMMIT! »:T you could hog Artie for all yourself!

Tsk. Fuck you and your weird fantasies about Arthur that definitely do not come out of me!

_The hero,_

_-Alfred F. Jones_

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(sorry for the unreplied reviews)

**Hahah wow, wasn't that hella crappy?**

**And look, I still couldn't get to update 'England's Childishly Fun Adventure', 'English Swap', and 'Hear My Thoughts'... (*subtly advertising other stories...*) /*shot**

**Feel free to ignore me :))**


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